Shark Week
by Savage Valentine
Summary: Thatch and Ace watch too much TV and decide to play a joke on Namur. Educational with a good flavoring of crack.


**Shark Week**

If there was one thing you could always trust about family, it's that all is fun and games as long as you're doing it to your siblings.

For the record, Thatch started it. Ace was the accomplice, not the instigator.

Ace walked in on Thatch while he was watching TV. The older man was absorbed in the program and didn't notice Ace. Ace, realizing Thatch was completely ignoring him, poked him in the cheek. Thatch batted his hand away. Ace poked him again. Thatch swatted at him again.

_Poke, swat, poke, swat, pokeswatpokeswatpokeswatpoke-_

"STOP POKING ME GODDAMMIT!"

"What are you watching?" Ace asked, sliding down into the sofa cushion.

Thatch rubbed his face and growled at the boy. "It's Shark Week. All sharks, all day, all week. It's _awesome_."

"Yeah, cause there's no way we don't see sharks every- did that shark just swallow that guy whole? And spit him out?"

"They take a bite and go away and- look! Look! It's coming back!"

"… Awesome."

"Here, I've got beer."

"Even better."

Ace found himself on the sidelines with Thatch rooting for the sharks. It was shocking, terrifying, exciting, adrenaline-pumping… When the boring television hosts weren't stalling talking about how misunderstood sharks were. Who cared? Ace's best friends were sharks. Now he wanted to see them bite people and expensive camera equipment!

The next segment showed a diver rubbing a shark's nose. The shark immediately stopped swimming and floated, hypnotized. The camera focused on its blank, black eyes.

Ace and Thatch's eyes were as big as dinner plates.

"No way." Ace breathed.

"That's amazing. I didn't know you could hypnotize sharks by rubbing their noses!" Thatch paused a moment, then uttered, "Do you think it'll work on Namur?"

Ace drained his latest bottle of beer. "I dunno. What kind of shark is he, anyway?"

"I don't know. Maybe he'll tell us if we rub his nose."

They devised a plan: Ace would distract Namur, and Thatch would sneak up on him and jump him. "It's so simple, it couldn't possibly go wrong!" Thatch exclaimed. He and Ace finished the last of the beer and left to locate the unsuspecting fishman.

Elsewhere, Namur was minding his own business.

"Hey, Namur!"

Namur turned around and saw Izou coming up behind him. "Hey, Izou."

"Rumor has it August eight is an important day to you. I wanted to be the first to say 'happy birthday'."

"Ha, thanks Izou. But it's two days early…"

"I said I wanted to be first." Izou chuckled.

"Oh! Hey! Izou! Namur! Here you both are!" Ace's orange hat popped around the corner, Ace goofily grinning under it.

"Uh, hi Ace."

"Hi Ace."

"Hey, Namur! You'll never guess what! They got this thing on TV called Shark Week. It's amazing! And I was thinking, since you're a shark fishman and all…"

"That's kind of racist, Ace." Izou interrupted.

Namur knit his brows together. "Well, that's nice, Ace, but truth is actually- Thatch is behind me, isn't he?"

"We're caught! Abort mission!"

"We can't abort now!" Thatch yelled and leapt at Namur. Izou intercepted and slammed Thatch on the ground. Ace wobbled and fell over the railing before he could steady himself.

"Whoa!"

As Izou held Thatch down, Namur jumped over the side of the ship into the ocean after Ace. He grabbed Ace and rushed to the surface. Ace sputtered and coughed.

"Sorry about that, Namur."

Namur swam around and climbed the whale head, which was easier than climbing up the side. Izou dragged Thatch over and dumped him next to Ace in front of Whitebeard. The old pirate raised an eyebrow.

"Gurarara. What is all this?"

Namur slid down and took a seat between Jozu and Kingdew. "I don't know, Pops. Ask them."

Thatch and Ace looked away guiltily. Ace nudged Thatch; Thatch nudged Ace back. They exchanged glances and Ace finally sighed.

"Thatch was trying to hypnotize Namur by rubbing his nose."

"Me? You thought it was a good idea too! You were helping me the whole time!"

Namur blinked. "Why do you think rubbing my nose would hypnotize me?" He asked. The other nakama looked curious as well.

"Cause we were watching Shark Week and it showed a diver doing it and it worked."

There was a whole beat in which the ship was dead silent, then everyone (minus Ace and Thatch) busted out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ace asked.

Izou covered his mouth, but was laughing as hard as the rest. "Na- Namur isn't a- a- hehheh- shark!"

"What!" Ace turned on Thatch. "You were planning all this and you don't even know the species of your own crewmate! I should have never listened to you!"

"Namur! Why didn't you tell me? We've been nakama for years…! But you got the teeth, and the biting, and gills, and, and…!" Thatch cried.

"You never asked me what species I was-" "I thought it'd be rude!" "-but if it makes any difference, I'm actually a-"

"I can't believe you thought he was a shark this whole time. What a couple of idiots." Izou composed himself. "On the other hand, I can't remember the last time Pops laughed _this_ hard."

"Thanks for that, Izou." Ace said flatly.

"You know, I feel kind of bad now for wanting to rub Namur's nose." Thatch said, surprisingly sincerely. "I really thought he was a shark."

"The joke's on us now."

"You know, Namur may not be a shark fishman, but you know who definitely is? Jinbe! We could-"

"Thatch, shut up."

* * *

><p>Yeah, so Shark Week was this week and now it's over but then I thought, 'Wait a second! It's SHARK WEEK.' Better late than never. For the record, Namur probably is a shark, but I went with rule of funny for this. Also, notice how I made his birthday 88? Fufufu, I'm so clever!


End file.
